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What mediation actually looks like — and what it isn't.

Most people arrive at mediation knowing only that it is supposed to be cheaper and quieter than litigation. Both are usually true. But the deeper differences — in how decisions get made, who is in the room, and what the agreement reflects — matter more than the cost.

A Side-By-Side

Two very different rooms.

The same divorce can take twelve months in litigation or eight weeks in mediation. The agreement signed at the end of either looks similar on paper. The experience of getting there could not be more different.

Mediation

— With Us —
i
Both parties at the tableThe conversation happens in the same room. No back-channels, no surprise filings, no separate strategies.
ii
One neutral mediatorA single trained mediator guides the conversation. Their role is the process — not advocacy for either side.
iii
You write your agreementThe document you sign is one you authored together, with your own language and your own priorities reflected in it.
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Six to ten weeks totalThe full process averages eight weeks, sessions weekly, at the pace of conversation.
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$3,800 to $7,200 flatSliding-scale flat fee covers the entire engagement, including filing and a one-year check-in.
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Confidential by statuteMediation conversations cannot be subpoenaed or used in subsequent court proceedings.

Traditional Litigation

— For Comparison —
i
Two attorneys, separate roomsEach spouse retains counsel. Most communication happens between the lawyers, not the parties.
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Adversarial by designThe structure of litigation positions spouses as opposing parties — and often produces opposition that did not exist before.
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A judge writes the orderIf you cannot agree, a judge who has met your family for thirty minutes makes the decisions for you.
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Eight to eighteen monthsThe court calendar, not your readiness, sets the pace. Discovery, motions, and hearings extend the timeline.
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$25,000 to $80,000+ eachHourly billing on both sides. Costs scale with conflict, and conflict tends to scale with cost.
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Public court recordPleadings, transcripts, and filings are part of the public record in most jurisdictions.
Six Principles

The way we hold the room.

i.

Both stories count.

Every divorce has two narratives. They rarely agree. Our role is not to determine which is right, but to make sure both are heard before any decision is made. Most agreements come not from finding a winner, but from each person feeling fully heard.

This is the work of the individual phone calls before joint sessions begin — and the reason we do them.

Listening with intent
ii.

The paperwork is the easy part.

Drafting a divorce agreement is a few hours of work. The hard part is the conversation that produces the terms. We spend most of our time on the conversation, because the conversation determines whether the agreement actually holds.

Agreements that the parties wrote tend to last. Agreements imposed on them tend not to.

Document and pen
iii.

The children are not in the negotiation.

Children belong outside the room and outside the leverage of the agreement. Our parenting plans are written to protect their stability — schedules they can predict, transitions that work for them, decision-making structures that scale with their age.

Co-parenting after divorce is a long horizon. We write toward it, not toward the moment of signing.

Child holding hands
Who We Serve

Couples who want a different ending.

Couples with children, especially young ones

Where the long horizon of co-parenting matters more than winning the discrete questions in front of you today. Mediation is the process that protects the working relationship you will need for the next two decades.

Spouses who still respect each other

The marriage may be ending, but the basic decency between you remains intact. Mediation builds on that intact respect; litigation tends to corrode it.

Couples who want privacy

Public-figure clients, business owners, and anyone whose financial life would be inconvenient to litigate in a public record. Mediation keeps the entire conversation outside the courthouse.

Anyone whose finances are not in dispute

If you both already understand your financial picture and largely agree on the principles of how to divide it, you are mediation-ready. Most of our clients are in this position, even when it does not feel like it on day one.

— An Honest Disclosure —

When mediation isn't right.

We tell every couple in our discovery session whether we believe mediation is the right process for their situation. In a meaningful minority of cases, it is not. Here are the situations in which we routinely recommend a different path:

  • Domestic violence or coercive control — Where one partner cannot speak freely in a shared room, mediation cannot produce a balanced agreement. We refer to specialized domestic-violence counsel and family-court advocates.
  • Significant financial concealment — Where there is reason to believe one spouse is hiding assets, formal discovery in court is the only reliable path. Mediation depends on full voluntary disclosure.
  • Active addiction with safety concerns — Where children's safety in either home is in question, the structure and oversight of the family-court system serves a function mediation cannot.
  • Severely unequal bargaining power — Where one spouse cannot meaningfully advocate for themselves due to circumstance — language, isolation, mental-health crisis — we direct them to advocacy first.

The discovery session tells you which path fits.

Ninety minutes, both of you in the room with one of our mediators. By the end, you will know whether mediation is your path — or whether something else is. There is no obligation to engage further.

Book a Discovery Session